I can’t help feeling at times like I’ve been listening to the same music for decades. Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence and all, kicking myself because I do still need to see the film. On the other hand, sometimes I come across something that fits itself into my world so effortlessly I think it might have been there since I was posting, in an eternal angst spiral, about all of my failings on tumblr dot com. It’s safe to listen to the same things eternally but it’s unwise to try to do so when also making new music and wanting my music to be a means of clawing my way out of the hole of my own safety.

I feel like I didn’t go out enough this summer. It was a summer that was full to the brim with wholesome friend and family experiences, mainly the experiences of my friends’ families, within two or three hours of Philadelphia and mostly veering towards the South. It was a wholesome summer and it was wonderful. Obviously I was also depressed, summer is always depressing, so hot and languid. Hot, languid, full of the horrors of the outside world as well, starvation and chaos and a giant bubble of collective grief. I also felt that for me in particular it was totally lacking in debauchery–kind of a death spiral of depression and an immense lack. I don’t say this to be facetious or to downplay the horrors, this exercise is an attempt to reflect and take stock moreso than anything else. It’s so far into fall now that I’m demanding help from boyfriend Jon (Jon, who is my boyfriend) to actually take out the air conditioning units, because we can’t in good conscience turn on the heat until he does or else it’d be like blowing a bunch of money out the window, watching it fall and flutter like confetti.

Anyway, back to debauchery and back to music. I want to do more things that feel like the grime in a warehouse bathroom stall or the smeared glass of a bottle. I need to go out dancing and I need to feel embodied. It’s funny how feeling embodied follows turning into someone or something else for 24 hours. It’s good practice, kind of like a sun salutation. Compress and stretch in the right order and breathe at the right times and you can greet the sun when it comes to you.

Twin Princess has got shows coming up, some of them with dear friends and all of them with future friends. I am so excited for those. I think they’re all looking very wholesome but perhaps we can also make them wild and practice whatever version of debauchery we are looking for.

I wrote some songs with the band and we’re working on making them happen. It turns out that looks like managing a lot of calendars and moving around a bunch of money in order for it to actually work. I’m struggling to stay organized. It’s mostly that I don’t devote any time to making that happen and then I expect the organization to happen on its own. Crazy unfortunate that that’s not how that works or actually how anything works.

Well then. It’s the fall, the time of being languid is over, we’ve all got to keep moving in order to stay warm.

ticket links for:
11/1 @ Love City w/ Future Teens, ADJY, Maura Weaver
11/19 Local Fest @ Milkboy
11/21 Sunday Evening Drive album release show @ PhilaMOCA w/ Humilitarian